Q: Whats green and smells of pork? A: Kermits finger! Q: Where does Saddam Husane keep his C.D's? A: In "a-rack". Q: Why don't blind people like to skydive? A: It scares the shit out of the dog. Q: What's the difference between a h...
Q: What arr they gonna do to Micheal Jackson when he dies? A: Burn his plastic body down and turn him into little toys so kids can play with HIM for a change! Q: How does Kurt Cobain collect his thoughts? A: With a squeegee Q: What colo...
Q: What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A: Goes-in-tight! Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge. Q: Why is Santa so jolly all the t...
Q: What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? A: Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup. Q: Why don't aliens eat clowns? A: Because they taste funny. Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh. Q...
Q: What do you call a sheep with no legs? A: A cloud Q: What do you call a camal with 3 humps? A: Humphreys Q: What do cows do for entertainment? A: They rent moovies! Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes ? A: I have no I-Deer...
Q: What did the left nut say to the right nut? A: The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard. Q: What do you call an anorexic with thrush? A: Quarter pounder with cheese! Q: Why did the fish get kicked out of school? A: Because he was...
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? OK...so if the Jackso...
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to b...
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? You never really l...
Q: How Do You Catch A Unique bird? A: Unique Up On It. Q: How Do You Catch A Tame bird? A: Tame Way, Unique Up On It . Q: How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? A: They Take The Psycho Path Q: How Do You Get Holy Water? A: Yo...
Q: What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? A: A Stick. Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? A: Nacho Cheese. Q: What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses. Q: What Do You Call Four Bullfighters in Quicksand?...
Why do politicians envy ventriloquists? Because they can lie without moving their lips. What do you call a politician who swears to tell the truth? A liar. What do you call a democrat that sleeps around? A breeding-heart liberal. ...
Figured this would go well with the Anti-Ricer Compilation. For all you ricers out there, you know who you are! And, if you don't, now you do. You might be a ricer if ... You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare...
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Do they have reserv...
The following headlines were actually printed in newpapers. The irony in some of these is absolutely astonishing, hilariously funny (though sometimes akward). Check them out... Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One Miners Refuse to Wo...
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the g...
This is for all the youngsters out there. Some of you aren't as experienced with the 'real world' as we adults are. Therefore, we've got a few tips for you - some are better than others but they're all quite important. Take notes, live and...
Gas prices seem to have been skyrocketing in recent years. I remember when gas was $0.70 a gallon (and I'm not that old), now it costs $80 to fill up an SUV. Here's a few gas related one liners to bust off next time you're complaining about it at...
When you're dating... Farting is never an issue. When you're married... You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you're dating... He takes you out to have a good time. When you're married... He bring...
For those that don't know, being the boss is a tough job. Expectations, requirations (is that even a word?), etc. - really hard work and stuff. If you didn't already know, here's the 10 major differences between you (the worker) and your (wonderf...
Today, as I sit here in my office, I realize I'm getting older. Not terribly old, but definately older today than I was yesterday. As I sit here and ponder thoughts like "with age comes wisdom" and "aging like a fine wine", one can't help but to ...
Ok, probably not that appropriate but postworthy nonetheless. Here are some famous celebrities and an idea of what their obituaries might just say. Is it bad that I think some of them are funny? Tiger Woods at Six Under Col. Sanders...
It could have been worse. That's pretty much my motto when stuff gets bad. Just when I think things can't possibly go more wrong, they do. Remember that. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ag...
The following are quotes picked out from The Simpsons TV show. Homer, the father character in the cartoon, isn't known for being particularly witty but we managed to put together some of his best wisdom over the years. Kinda gives you a ...
One of the best things about eating Chinese food is the fortune cookie you get at the end of your meal. Often insightful, normally we get stuff like "You will succeed through your charm and personality." Well, not today! Here are some funny (or u...
So you're bored? How about some games you can play with your local law enforcement? Bonus points if you can do any of these without getting hit over the head with a nightstick. Double bonus if you can do all of these without getting the death pen...
Wisdom is best defined as the ability to judge what is true and right, to have common sense and good judgement. Unfortunately, there's not much of that going aroud these days. Common sense just isn't that common anymore. Here are some excellent ...
Next time you're on an elevator and feel alittle bored, liven up the moment with some of these insightful ideas. Guaranteed to make heads turn or your money back. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder an...
In response to the overwhelming popularity of our Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer facts, we now give you... dun dun dun... Mr. T Facts . This dude is bad, but batter than Chuck and Jack? Seems like all the cool kids are getting their own facts ...
Oh man these are good. Thanks to all our readers who sent in jokes for us to post, we've been saving these shorties up until we had enough to post a few at once. Bon appetite! PS - if you trash these like you did the last time... I'll... I'll... ...
I was a big fan of the Simpson's, can you believe how long the show has been around? Everyone has their favorite characters, but mine is definately Homer. This guy says the funniest (and often completely true) things. Here is a list of the al...
Confucius is wise, in fact we'd be much wiser taking his advice. Below are the top 15 Confucius sayings, otherwise known as his famous analects. While there are literally hundreds or thousands of them, most probably made up - we've picked our fav...
